Nevada

What I Have Learned About Desert Life

I haven’t been here long enough for this to be normal yet.  Every day is still new and exciting.  I would like to share with you a list of things I’ve experienced here in Henderson, Nevada.

·         I am the only person I’ve seen that doesn’t have a tattoo.  I have nothing against tattoos, and wouldn't mind sporting one myself one day if I could find the perfect one, but I feel that I have broken an unwritten law here.

·         My car overheats in the winter here, but if its 119 degrees outside, no worries.

·         If you have a gambling problem, do NOT move here.  There are slot machines in CVS, Smith’s (aka Kroger) and pretty much every gas station.  One gas station I’ve gone to even gives you free coffee for playing their slots.  They’ve got good coffee, too but I’m better off paying for it in cash, with my luck.  Trust me.

·         No one here is from here.  I’ve heard more New York accents here than I have ever heard anywhere and I’ve met a HUGE number of people from Indiana.  Oh, and none of us Hoosiers understand the dry heat theory.  It’s just freaking hot.

·         The bugs are phenomenal.  The FAA controls the flight patterns of the bugs out here, and all bugs have to carry their pilot’s licenses on them at all times to avoid paying heavy fines.   Right now, there is a dead bug on my front porch that I’m pretty sure got shot down by military aircraft for entering restricted airspace.  If you dare step out the front door late at night, they are so loud you can hear their footsteps as they run away.  I don’t think it’s because they are afraid of people, I think it’s because they sneak into your house and steal your beer and they are just trying not to get caught.  Or…maybe they think I’m with the FAA.

·         Toilet paper is cheaper out here.  I really don’t have a theory on that.

·         I can go out in public with my bangs in a ponytail on top of my head like someone out of a Dr. Seuss book, boxer shorts, a tank top and running shoes with yesterday’s make up on  and no one even bats an eye.  I know this for a fact because I do it at least twice a week.  But wear pantyhose…hell to the NO.  Every single person you walk past in the grocery store will stare at you, and every single child under the age of 4 at your kid’s daycare with tackle you just to touch your legs.

·         It is completely normal to see a tall skinny dude wearing a fur lined hunting cap, velvet tank top, and shorty shorts showing off his Michael Jackson moves with all his heart on the sidewalk across the street from your apartment complex.  What I once thought was strange, I now view with admiration.

·         In Indiana, 65 mile per hour wind gusts mean that you immediately need to move to an interior room in the lowest level of your house.  In Nevada, it means you don’t have to cancel your picnic plans just yet.

·         My church has a smoking area out front.  The worship band plays a rockin’ version of Guns ‘N Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”.

I don’t really know what to feel about all of these things just yet, but I wish you could see the things I get to see on a daily basis.  The Vegas strip in the distance at night.  Beautiful mountains everywhere you look.  Pine trees and palm trees living in harmony.  Elderly women in 48 pounds of makeup…you get the picture.

Desert Life

I'm making a resolution to keep up with my blog.  However, I make alot of resolutions and lets's just admit that I'm kinda lazy and I'm tired alot.  What's my excuse?  Absolutely nothing.  I'm honest.  So there.
While I am being honest, I had a brief relapse in my quest to quit smoking.  I blame it on alot of things...stress, money, stress, stress, and stress. 
My apartment is in constant shambles.  I've steam cleaned the carpet eight (yes, I am keeping count) times.  That's more months than I have lived here.  I'm engaged to a man whose idea of cleaning and making things look pretty is centering his big Igloo cooler that he takes to work every day in front of the fireplace.  I have a daughter who has a large amount of stuffed animals that are bigger than...me.  I talk to a cat that shows up on my porch every night just because she agrees with everything I say.  I speak, she says "yeah". It's nine minutes after midnight and a mere five minutes ago, I wrestled a 9 billion foot garden hose into a storage closet praying the whole time that a black widow or a lizard wasn't residing in it.
The heat...enough said.  Dry heat?  Okay, well yes, it is a dry heat, but all that means is that it feels more like opening the door to your oven to check on your cookies than opening the door to a bathroom where someone just took a hot shower.
The infamous Buick...well, she's a trooper, and I can say that because I was just bragging on her the other day and the traction control system immediately went out, and she gracefully threatened to overheat on Wayne while he was stuck in traffic the other day.  But that car, who is 10 years old has had the most amazing life in the past 7 months.  She transported my stepmom, my dad, and my mice across country without a complaint.  She has been up and down mountains, she's been to California twice and seen beaches and...
Holy crap, this is getting boring and monotonous.  Like I said, at least I'm honest.
In short...
Have you ever sat at your kitchen table and seen a mountain in the distance with the sun setting behind it?
Have you ever looked at someone you plan to marry and actually felt the love and trust radiating from them?
Have you ever looked at your kid and realized they are so happy they don't even know how to handle it?
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has never held a grudge against you, or made fun of your feelings, or has ever made you feel like the way you acted out of anger was silly or stupid (even though it was)?
Have you ever been driving to work and saw something in the distance so beautiful it took your breath away...every day?
Despite all my griping, health problems, stress...
I can actually answer yes to all of those questions up there.

Burn After Reading

I'm really bummed out because I haven't been able to think of anything I write about (although my adventures are constant).  And I'm not usually the sappy type, I can't stand that sort of thing, but here goes...
My latest news is that I am officially engaged.  Wayne took Shelby and I out to dinner the Saturday night before Easter and asked me to marry him.  That was over a week ago and I still haven't been able to stop staring at my ring and wondering how in the hell I got so lucky.  I have this beautiful daughter, I live in this gorgeous section of the earth, and Wayne Atkins wants to marry me.  That's like, a way better last name than I have now.  (I'm just kidding...a little.)  On a serious note, he's the first person to ever love me no matter what, who wasn't related to me.  He has dealt with my depressed and unemployed phase, my temper tantrums over stupid crap, my obsession with clean stuff, my stomach aches, PMS, migraines, frustrations with my kid and his kid, and has NEVER once made me feel like a lesser person, or the least bit bad about anything.  Some people look at marriage as losing a piece of themselves...I see it as gaining a missing piece because of Wayne, and because of Ryan.
So, I guess I shouldn't burn this after reading.  It's okay to be sappy sometimes.

Help Wanted

Well, I was writing something a couple of days ago and forgot to save it and lost it.  Of course, it was the one time Auto Recovery didn’t rescue it, either.  I don’t even remember what it was about…something about comparisons and Nevada and Indiana.  I was really happy with it.  Cracked myself up a few times. 

I guess I could go with some updates.  I’m adjusting to life as an unemployed person.  My hardest decision each day is whether or not I should take a shower before or after I take Shelby to school.  My other tough decision is when to take a nap.  Do I eat some breakfast and take it right after I drop Shelby at school?  Or do I get a little laundry done, clean up some stuff, have some lunch, THEN take a nap?  If I take a nap in the afternoon, will I wake up grumpy because it’s already getting dark at 4:00 and then I’m going to feel guilty and like a big loser because I took a nap?  Oh by the way, seasonal affect disorder does not disappear when you move to the desert, folks!   

 I also suffer from pantyhose anxiety, which is an affliction where you constantly wonder what you are going to do if you get called for a job interview and they guarantee that they will hire you if you can be there in an hour and you don’t have any pantyhose to wear with the one skirt that you have that fits.  Oh, and I don’t have the nerve to ask Wayne for the money to buy the pantyhose because you know, he’s completely supporting my high-maintenance- must-have-Tide-and-nice-toilet-paper self.

So no, in all actuality, I am not adjusting to being unemployed.  I have become the person in the house that everyone sort of like, avoids and doesn’t make eye contact with because “it might explode”.  Even the dog, who doesn’t get excited about much anyway, kind of eyeballs me when I walk in the door like, “Should I get up and say hi or…….?”  I am so bored out of my mind I can’t stand it.  I won’t go anywhere because I’m trying not to waste gas.  I know exactly what time the automatic sprinklers come on and what days (Wednesday and Saturday at 9:04 a.m.)  I am excited because I get to go to the health department tomorrow to have my TB test checked and watch an hour long feature on proper hand washing and I don’t feel guilty about the gas because it’s required for a job.

The highlight of my week was getting hired on as an on-call sub at Shelby’s daycare.  That wasn’t the highlight though…I had to go get a shot and a TB test at the health department over near Lake Mead.  Well that sucked too but I had a few extra dollars of my allowance so I stopped at Del Taco for a nacho fix.  The cashier treated me like I was her best friend.  I ordered something called “Macho Nachos” because it sounded big and was only $5 including the drink.   When I saw them, I exclaimed “Wow, they are huge!” and the young man that handed them to me waggled his eyebrows and said “Why do you think we call them “Macho”?”  I sat at my table and looked at my phone to discover…they had free wi-fi!  And I looked up to see one of the most gorgeous mountain views I’d seen in a long time.

Then I decided to stop at Albertson’s to do my grocery shopping because I’d never been there before and watched an old man drop a hocker into a floor drain in the freezer section.   So I left and went home and took a nap.

Yes, I need a real job.

Viva...Henderson

Well I have been here for almost two months, and have been suffering from writer’s block this entire time.  There’s a lot of funny stuff to write about here but most of it can’t be put into words.

Shelby is adjusting quite nicely, aside from the occasional bouts of kindergarten girl hormones.  She has a new best friend in the little girl that lives across the sidewalk.  In fact, I think she may live here in our apartment but as long as Shelby is quiet I’m cool with that.  I’ve become friends with her mom, who is jobless like me.  We don’t hang out and be jobless together because there is a slight chance that we could turn into Thelma and Louise.

Wayne seems to be adjusting…the look of surprise is only on his face sometimes instead of all the time.  He seems like he still loves me, or he is a REALLY good actor.  He’s been a very good sport about this whole adjustment period and the fact that I have no job.  I’d say he is happy to have clean laundry and a clean house and hot meals when he gets home from work…but then that makes me feel like one of those scary housewives that makes the whole family eat granola and whole grains and I don’t want anyone to get that impression.  Oh and, until we move our home will never be clean and always will have that special “Something must have died here at one time” smell.

I’m not adjusting.  I haven’t gone this long without working since I was on maternity leave from having Shelby.  Even then, I was still needed…my boss called a lot.  Bless Wayne’s heart for keeping Shelby in daycare for me so she can have a social life.  Or maybe he is worried that we will cause each other physical harm…but well, social life and all regardless.  I have shampooed the carpet at least a dozen times.  I clean the kitchen twice a day.  I vacuum a lot.  In fact, I’ve purchased two since I moved here.  We have 3 vacuum cleaners and no coat closet to park them in.  I dust 14 times a day, apparently it’s because we live in the desert.

OTHER than the obvious discontent from having too much time on my hands, I’m happy.  He loves me.  He loves my kid.  And we haven’t very easy to love, especially during this adjustment period.    Shelby stalks him and fights with him over the TV.  I’ve been moody and sick and went into a funk the job didn’t work out.  The kids aren’t getting along but we are working on that and I’m trying not to take it personally.  I nag the dog, made her go on a diet, my cat throws up unless he eats expensive food, and I’m trying to re-learn how to cook.  But the man still loves us and he’s a rock.  I keep thinking of that awful time after he moved, when I couldn’t see him every day, and my heart skips a beat when I think that I don’t have to go through that again.  I can get up and have coffee and watch the news every morning with him.  Now, if I could just get him to stay awake past 8:00 at night…hahaha!  Baby steps!

More to come, I hope.  Feeling a tiny lift in the writer’s block!

We Made It...(Belated)

I finally have my life to the point where I can sit for a few minutes at a time and actually get on Facebook, or send an email, and this morning I am trying to think of something to write on my poor neglected blog.  So I guess I will write about the past month of our crazy lives.
Shelby and I survived the trip out here, as did my dear dad and stepmom, mice, and Buick.  The plane trip went exceptionally well considering I had a 6 year old, two suitcases, two carry-ons, and two unsedated cats with me.  The cats had to be removed from their carriers at security and carried through.  Shelby took the smaller cat, I took the big fat one, and they both cooperated beautifully.  One cat cried during takeoff the whole time, and the other cat just kicked back for the flight like he does it all the time.  He was so confident in himself he didn't even listen to the safety speech they give before takeoff.
Wayne met us in baggage, and when Shelby spotted him she took off at full speed to jump into his waiting arms, and got shy once she got 5 feet away and hit the brakes.  The whole shy act lasted about two minutes though.
My dad and stepmom Lori drove my car out here with Shelby's mice.  The car did great, and the mice saw some beautiful country.  I would receive a picture of them now and then, their cage sitting on a rock in the petrified forest or on a ledge overlooking the painted desert.  It was usually followed by a picture of a bird and a text from my dad explaining that the bird is what came by and ate the mice.   My favorite was when he called me and gave me a mile marker number and interstate, and told me there was a small cross made of sticks and a shallow grave that he dug with a Subway cup to bury the mice, etc etc.
I let Shelby take that first week off from school, but she started the second week.  When I took her to register her, the school was very different than her school in Indiana because it is about 1/4 the size.  There weren't any formalities...they called a teacher up to the front office, who came out, squatted down in front of her, asked her a couple of questions and then he stood up and said "This one is mine."  It was love at first sight, I'm pretty sure.  Shelby blushed the whole time he was talking to her, and he doesn't seem to be much older than her.  I also found her the daycare of her dreams, complete with a huge indoor playground that looks like a little town for when it is too HOT to play outside.  She has adjusted amazingly, she actually seems happier these days than she's ever been.  The daycare employees absolutely adore her and her freckles.
I got a job and started working a couple of weeks ago.  Wayne works for a small plumbing company, owned by a husband and wife team.  He and the husband are the only plumbers on staff, and they hired me to do the bookkeeping and dispatching.  I work out of the house.  No new clothes had to be purchased, I work out of their house!
It really is beautiful here...we are surrounded by hills and mountains.  Over by my office, some of the mountains even have snow on them!  I've always loved mountains for some reason. 
Do I miss Indiana?  No.  Do I miss my peeps in Indiana?  So bad it hurts!

6 Years Later...

Six years ago I remember everything about that day.  Bruce had the day off work and was home with Shelby, and brought her to my office to see me.  She had a little bit of poop on her sock from when he had changed her diaper earlier that day.  I remember being kind of annoyed by that.  I made hamburgers for dinner with Grandma Brown's brand baked beans.  A friend Bruce hadn't seen in a while was supposed to come over to visit and he was pretty excited, bustling around cleaning the house and fidgeting at the computer while he surfed the net.  I remember weird details like the shirt he was wearing that night, the beer he had in his hand, and how unbelievably cold it was outside.  But I had never dreamed that it was going to be the last night I ever saw him alive.
It has gotten easier to deal with over the years but this year has been a little hard because there is so much different going on in my life right now...not really anything familiar and comforting like there was in Indiana, and most of all my mom isn't here.  We don't like, sit and re-live it, but she was there living through it with me, and quietly in the background taking care of the things I couldn't.  And the rest of my family, too, at a time when all I had the energy to do was cry and lash out at everything and everyone around me.
I have to work tomorrow, it's life as usual.  It still hurts though in a different way.  Like I told Wayne earlier...it's not so much the missing him as it is the unfairness and the memories of how I felt that day and the months afterwards.  I'm at peace with where he is, as Shelby's gaurdian angel, hangin' out with Jesus.  But I will never be able to erase the way I felt, the guilt I felt for not calling an ambulance sooner, for the constant nagging and griping I did the last two months he was alive about money and anything else I could think of to nag about.  I will never be able to erase the memories of the morning that he died, the hope I felt when I saw him that maybe he had just fainted, the terror when I realized it was more than that, and the absolute disbelief when a nurse confirmed what I already knew deep down.  I will never be able to understand why he has to miss out on this beautiful, mischevious, drama queen, comedienne of a little girl.
I don't have a grave to visit this year, so this is all I've got.  Once again, just as last year...Rest in Peace, Bruce.  We will never stop missing you.