I guess I could go with some updates. I’m adjusting to life as an unemployed person. My hardest decision each day is whether or not I should take a shower before or after I take Shelby to school. My other tough decision is when to take a nap. Do I eat some breakfast and take it right after I drop Shelby at school? Or do I get a little laundry done, clean up some stuff, have some lunch, THEN take a nap? If I take a nap in the afternoon, will I wake up grumpy because it’s already getting dark at 4:00 and then I’m going to feel guilty and like a big loser because I took a nap? Oh by the way, seasonal affect disorder does not disappear when you move to the desert, folks!
I also suffer from pantyhose anxiety, which is an affliction where you constantly wonder what you are going to do if you get called for a job interview and they guarantee that they will hire you if you can be there in an hour and you don’t have any pantyhose to wear with the one skirt that you have that fits. Oh, and I don’t have the nerve to ask Wayne for the money to buy the pantyhose because you know, he’s completely supporting my high-maintenance- must-have-Tide-and-nice-toilet-paper self.
So no, in all actuality, I am not adjusting to being unemployed. I have become the person in the house that everyone sort of like, avoids and doesn’t make eye contact with because “it might explode”. Even the dog, who doesn’t get excited about much anyway, kind of eyeballs me when I walk in the door like, “Should I get up and say hi or…….?” I am so bored out of my mind I can’t stand it. I won’t go anywhere because I’m trying not to waste gas. I know exactly what time the automatic sprinklers come on and what days (Wednesday and Saturday at 9:04 a.m.) I am excited because I get to go to the health department tomorrow to have my TB test checked and watch an hour long feature on proper hand washing and I don’t feel guilty about the gas because it’s required for a job.
The highlight of my week was getting hired on as an on-call sub at Shelby’s daycare. That wasn’t the highlight though…I had to go get a shot and a TB test at the health department over near Lake Mead. Well that sucked too but I had a few extra dollars of my allowance so I stopped at Del Taco for a nacho fix. The cashier treated me like I was her best friend. I ordered something called “Macho Nachos” because it sounded big and was only $5 including the drink. When I saw them, I exclaimed “Wow, they are huge!” and the young man that handed them to me waggled his eyebrows and said “Why do you think we call them “Macho”?” I sat at my table and looked at my phone to discover…they had free wi-fi! And I looked up to see one of the most gorgeous mountain views I’d seen in a long time.
Then I decided to stop at Albertson’s to do my grocery shopping because I’d never been there before and watched an old man drop a hocker into a floor drain in the freezer section. So I left and went home and took a nap.
Yes, I need a real job.
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