Help Wanted

Well, I was writing something a couple of days ago and forgot to save it and lost it.  Of course, it was the one time Auto Recovery didn’t rescue it, either.  I don’t even remember what it was about…something about comparisons and Nevada and Indiana.  I was really happy with it.  Cracked myself up a few times. 

I guess I could go with some updates.  I’m adjusting to life as an unemployed person.  My hardest decision each day is whether or not I should take a shower before or after I take Shelby to school.  My other tough decision is when to take a nap.  Do I eat some breakfast and take it right after I drop Shelby at school?  Or do I get a little laundry done, clean up some stuff, have some lunch, THEN take a nap?  If I take a nap in the afternoon, will I wake up grumpy because it’s already getting dark at 4:00 and then I’m going to feel guilty and like a big loser because I took a nap?  Oh by the way, seasonal affect disorder does not disappear when you move to the desert, folks!   

 I also suffer from pantyhose anxiety, which is an affliction where you constantly wonder what you are going to do if you get called for a job interview and they guarantee that they will hire you if you can be there in an hour and you don’t have any pantyhose to wear with the one skirt that you have that fits.  Oh, and I don’t have the nerve to ask Wayne for the money to buy the pantyhose because you know, he’s completely supporting my high-maintenance- must-have-Tide-and-nice-toilet-paper self.

So no, in all actuality, I am not adjusting to being unemployed.  I have become the person in the house that everyone sort of like, avoids and doesn’t make eye contact with because “it might explode”.  Even the dog, who doesn’t get excited about much anyway, kind of eyeballs me when I walk in the door like, “Should I get up and say hi or…….?”  I am so bored out of my mind I can’t stand it.  I won’t go anywhere because I’m trying not to waste gas.  I know exactly what time the automatic sprinklers come on and what days (Wednesday and Saturday at 9:04 a.m.)  I am excited because I get to go to the health department tomorrow to have my TB test checked and watch an hour long feature on proper hand washing and I don’t feel guilty about the gas because it’s required for a job.

The highlight of my week was getting hired on as an on-call sub at Shelby’s daycare.  That wasn’t the highlight though…I had to go get a shot and a TB test at the health department over near Lake Mead.  Well that sucked too but I had a few extra dollars of my allowance so I stopped at Del Taco for a nacho fix.  The cashier treated me like I was her best friend.  I ordered something called “Macho Nachos” because it sounded big and was only $5 including the drink.   When I saw them, I exclaimed “Wow, they are huge!” and the young man that handed them to me waggled his eyebrows and said “Why do you think we call them “Macho”?”  I sat at my table and looked at my phone to discover…they had free wi-fi!  And I looked up to see one of the most gorgeous mountain views I’d seen in a long time.

Then I decided to stop at Albertson’s to do my grocery shopping because I’d never been there before and watched an old man drop a hocker into a floor drain in the freezer section.   So I left and went home and took a nap.

Yes, I need a real job.

Viva...Henderson

Well I have been here for almost two months, and have been suffering from writer’s block this entire time.  There’s a lot of funny stuff to write about here but most of it can’t be put into words.

Shelby is adjusting quite nicely, aside from the occasional bouts of kindergarten girl hormones.  She has a new best friend in the little girl that lives across the sidewalk.  In fact, I think she may live here in our apartment but as long as Shelby is quiet I’m cool with that.  I’ve become friends with her mom, who is jobless like me.  We don’t hang out and be jobless together because there is a slight chance that we could turn into Thelma and Louise.

Wayne seems to be adjusting…the look of surprise is only on his face sometimes instead of all the time.  He seems like he still loves me, or he is a REALLY good actor.  He’s been a very good sport about this whole adjustment period and the fact that I have no job.  I’d say he is happy to have clean laundry and a clean house and hot meals when he gets home from work…but then that makes me feel like one of those scary housewives that makes the whole family eat granola and whole grains and I don’t want anyone to get that impression.  Oh and, until we move our home will never be clean and always will have that special “Something must have died here at one time” smell.

I’m not adjusting.  I haven’t gone this long without working since I was on maternity leave from having Shelby.  Even then, I was still needed…my boss called a lot.  Bless Wayne’s heart for keeping Shelby in daycare for me so she can have a social life.  Or maybe he is worried that we will cause each other physical harm…but well, social life and all regardless.  I have shampooed the carpet at least a dozen times.  I clean the kitchen twice a day.  I vacuum a lot.  In fact, I’ve purchased two since I moved here.  We have 3 vacuum cleaners and no coat closet to park them in.  I dust 14 times a day, apparently it’s because we live in the desert.

OTHER than the obvious discontent from having too much time on my hands, I’m happy.  He loves me.  He loves my kid.  And we haven’t very easy to love, especially during this adjustment period.    Shelby stalks him and fights with him over the TV.  I’ve been moody and sick and went into a funk the job didn’t work out.  The kids aren’t getting along but we are working on that and I’m trying not to take it personally.  I nag the dog, made her go on a diet, my cat throws up unless he eats expensive food, and I’m trying to re-learn how to cook.  But the man still loves us and he’s a rock.  I keep thinking of that awful time after he moved, when I couldn’t see him every day, and my heart skips a beat when I think that I don’t have to go through that again.  I can get up and have coffee and watch the news every morning with him.  Now, if I could just get him to stay awake past 8:00 at night…hahaha!  Baby steps!

More to come, I hope.  Feeling a tiny lift in the writer’s block!