Nevada

What I Have Learned About Desert Life

I haven’t been here long enough for this to be normal yet.  Every day is still new and exciting.  I would like to share with you a list of things I’ve experienced here in Henderson, Nevada.

·         I am the only person I’ve seen that doesn’t have a tattoo.  I have nothing against tattoos, and wouldn't mind sporting one myself one day if I could find the perfect one, but I feel that I have broken an unwritten law here.

·         My car overheats in the winter here, but if its 119 degrees outside, no worries.

·         If you have a gambling problem, do NOT move here.  There are slot machines in CVS, Smith’s (aka Kroger) and pretty much every gas station.  One gas station I’ve gone to even gives you free coffee for playing their slots.  They’ve got good coffee, too but I’m better off paying for it in cash, with my luck.  Trust me.

·         No one here is from here.  I’ve heard more New York accents here than I have ever heard anywhere and I’ve met a HUGE number of people from Indiana.  Oh, and none of us Hoosiers understand the dry heat theory.  It’s just freaking hot.

·         The bugs are phenomenal.  The FAA controls the flight patterns of the bugs out here, and all bugs have to carry their pilot’s licenses on them at all times to avoid paying heavy fines.   Right now, there is a dead bug on my front porch that I’m pretty sure got shot down by military aircraft for entering restricted airspace.  If you dare step out the front door late at night, they are so loud you can hear their footsteps as they run away.  I don’t think it’s because they are afraid of people, I think it’s because they sneak into your house and steal your beer and they are just trying not to get caught.  Or…maybe they think I’m with the FAA.

·         Toilet paper is cheaper out here.  I really don’t have a theory on that.

·         I can go out in public with my bangs in a ponytail on top of my head like someone out of a Dr. Seuss book, boxer shorts, a tank top and running shoes with yesterday’s make up on  and no one even bats an eye.  I know this for a fact because I do it at least twice a week.  But wear pantyhose…hell to the NO.  Every single person you walk past in the grocery store will stare at you, and every single child under the age of 4 at your kid’s daycare with tackle you just to touch your legs.

·         It is completely normal to see a tall skinny dude wearing a fur lined hunting cap, velvet tank top, and shorty shorts showing off his Michael Jackson moves with all his heart on the sidewalk across the street from your apartment complex.  What I once thought was strange, I now view with admiration.

·         In Indiana, 65 mile per hour wind gusts mean that you immediately need to move to an interior room in the lowest level of your house.  In Nevada, it means you don’t have to cancel your picnic plans just yet.

·         My church has a smoking area out front.  The worship band plays a rockin’ version of Guns ‘N Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”.

I don’t really know what to feel about all of these things just yet, but I wish you could see the things I get to see on a daily basis.  The Vegas strip in the distance at night.  Beautiful mountains everywhere you look.  Pine trees and palm trees living in harmony.  Elderly women in 48 pounds of makeup…you get the picture.