When I was 17, I got a really cute neighbor from Denmark. I mean, drop dead gorgeous. We got to be friends, and I had the biggest crush on him ever. I knew right from the beginning that he was only going to be here for a year, but I didn’t care. He was here for now. Maybe something would happen and he could stay. I was in high school. I was naïve.
As time got closer for him to leave, it started to hurt. I was quite the drama queen back then, too which didn’t help matters any. I think I made him a mix tape. But like I said, and in my defense…I was friggin’ 17 years old. Come on, cut me some slack.
When he left I was heartbroken for a long time. I never saw him again. He came back to visit me months later and…………….I was away at band camp. I talked to him a couple times on the phone. What's funny though is now, 17 years later, he is a Facebook friend.
Years down the road, after a marriage, a divorce, an engagement, the purchase of a house, the birth of a kid, and the death of the fiancé/father of the kid I thought I’d seen it all. I was wise. I was bitter. I was hardened. Never again would my heart break, never again would I be so silly. I was a grown up now.
Now I am 34 years old. Along comes Wayne: another cute neighbor, another doomed romance. A couple weeks after we started seeing eachother I was gone. I couldn't believe I'd found this man. I still remember him telling me that he was going to be moving away, just weeks into this and I actually cried, which is a big no-no in my book. You don’t cry over a man. Especially one you’ve only known for a couple of weeks.
I finally put it in a different compartment to enjoy what we had for now. Maybe something would happen and he would stay.
Seems I’m still naïve.
He’s leaving Tuesday. Grant it, it’s not Denmark, it’s Nevada. But I’m also 34, not 17. I have this fantastic job. I have this little girl that needs stability. And this time I have a choice…do I give up the job? Leave my friends and family? Take my little girl’s world apart?
It’s been a rotten few days. I thought I had about a month left with Wayne and he told me Sunday, in the feed room at the stable, (this I will never forget) that he is leaving Tuesday. Today I called a very dear friend that I call a few times a week and haven’t been able to reach. I got ahold of her tonight and the second she answered I asked how she was and she told me she has lung cancer. And Friday I have to get a lump in my breast checked out.
I’m running on empty here.
So I’m putting all of this in it’s respective compartments. As one of my favorite people told me, I’m putting it all on God’s big old front porch and letting him sort it out. This blog was supposed to be funny, and I hope I can get my funny back soon. I’m pretty sure I will, I need something to get me through this that isn’t a prescription or that doesn’t come in the form of a 6 pack. Right now I am just reassuring myself that the boob will be fine, Wayne won’t be able to live without me and he will come back, and my friend will go to her oncologist tomorrow to find out they were wrong.
Wish me luck.
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