Signs That I Should Have Stayed in Bed

This all happened today:

You wake up to the sound of the most disgusting gastrointestinal sloshing/puke noises a dog can possibly make, followed by the sound of him cleaning up after himself.

You are doing your morning routine of sitting around in a holey Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt and flannel pants, hair everywhere, staring at your computer and your boyfriend and his kid decide to stop by.  The kid stares at you in horror, then informs you your house is a nasty mess.

You bend over to pick a Qtip off the bathroom floor as the cat launches herself onto the vanity and your heads collide.

You are sitting next to another mom and dance class, whose daughter is also there for the first time, giggling uncontrollably with her as your daughters stumble around and crash into eachother.  You lean over and say “Maybe we should just find them a nice Tae Kwon Do class.” And she stops smiling and doesn’t talk to you the rest of the hour.

You are doing the self-checkout at Meijer and a bottle of cleaner you are purchasing leaks all over the conveyer belt and bagging area.  The annoyed attendant pulls out a bottle of the exact same cleaner and proceeds to spray every inch of the checkout area and hold everyone else up while “I clean up that woman’s spill.” (um, with the exact same cleaner.  Like you could have just grabbed a paper towel and sopped it up.  It’s not like it was liquid herpes or something).

Your daughter learns a song that says “What do you get when you pick a scab, pick a scab, pick a scab, what do you get when you pick a scaaaaaaab?  A scar that lasts forever.”  And she belts it out at the top of her lungs in Pizza King.