Moving Updates

Moving  Updates:

·         The U-boxes were delivered Friday.  They are tiny.  I’m freaking out.

·         My neighbors love the U-boxes.  They stand gather around them and talk amongst each other.  One of them even took a brief tutorial with the lady that dropped them off, which was good because I had absolutely no idea how to open them when I got home.  Tonight one neighbor offered to help fill them up.  The other neighbor scooped my kid up into his arms and took her to his place so “Mommy can get some stuff done and you can keep my girls company”.  Another neighbor asked me to poke holes in the boxes so he can ride to Nevada with my stuff.  Again…they are tiny.  I’m freaking out.

·         My tires need balanced.  They are brand new.  I didn’t noticed that they weren’t balanced until I got on the highway two days after they were installed and my arms went numb.  I’m freaking out.

·         My oil needs changed.  I’m freaking out.

·         The cats have to have shots and get tranquilizers and I have to buy kitty carriers before we can get on the plane.  I’m leaving November 14^th.  I’m freaking out.

·         I have maxed out Wayne’s credit card.  And the cats need shots and the oil needs changed and I have to buy kitty carriers and the kitties need plane tickets and I have to come up with $400 for gas and I have no money.  I’m freaking out.

·         I’m flying to Nevada on a four hour flight by myself with a child and two cats who have to be removed from their kitty carriers and carried through security.  I think I’m going to barf.

·         Shelby’s toys are in boxes and her dog is at someone else’s house and her mommy has turned into a psycho and keeps shoving her off on other people. She’s freaking out.

·         I’m leaving in 8 days.  I’m freaking out.

When Life Attacks…

My house is trashed, there are boxes everywhere, and they are mostly empty because I am never home.  Every day is the same, pretty much.  I get up, take the dog out, feed him and the cats, take a shower, and fight with Shelby for the next half hour to get her out the door without a massive meltdown of some sort.  I get to work, then I leave work, and pick up Shelby with more fighting and arguing.  I try to pack, I try to clean, but the child requires constant attention and interaction.  Wayne feels terrible because he knows I am trying to do this all on my own and there’s nothing he can do to help me except pay for it all, which I am extremely grateful for.

I’ve been upset a lot, I’ve been complaining a lot, and I’ve been having a LOT of selfish thoughts.   I am so overwhelmed that I am exhausted and have a constant headache.  I’ve gotten nasty with customer service people on the phone, I’ve cussed out people on 37 that cut me off like it’s MY fault they didn’t get over into the right hand lane a mile ago, I’ve sat in my living room and bawled because no one is helping me.  I’ve gotten discouraged with my job and all of its drama, I’m upset with friends I never hear from anymore (gee I wonder why, I’m such a great person to be around) and all I want to do is sleep.   Shelby’s school is like a black hole in my checking account and I have a lease I can’t break.

My life is like constant noise.  Not nice noises, like a beach, or a train in the distance, or a waterfall, but more like some screeching noise with heavy metal music playing in the background and a touch of screaming child and yappy Chihuahua on the edges of it. 

Yesterday, it went completely silent.   I was sitting in my cubicle talking to my boss and my phone rang.  It was my sister calling me to tell me she has cancer.   The problems, the selfishness, the noise…everything went away.  God crept quietly back into the center of my life, just as he always does when things go wrong and I realize I am not the manager of the universe and I have absolutely no control over anything.  I want to yell and scream and cry but this isn’t about me.  This is about my sister and she doesn’t need to be the one trying to comfort everyone else.

I can’t describe the feeling I have right now.  All I can think about is my sister, and wonder why in the hell this is happening to her.  We know nothing about the cancer or how far it has spread yet but I know she is going to be okay.  There’s no way that she will let cancer win.

Please pray for her, her husband, and the granddaughter she is raising.  If you don’t believe in God, then do whatever it is you do when things go wrong in your life or in the life of someone you love.  And get rid of some of the noise in your life and take the time to realize that it could be worse, and it’s not always about you.

Moving

I said I wasn’t going to do it.  No way, no how would I ever be some woman that would uproot her kid and her life over some MAN.  I was a GOOD mom.  I would never deny my family and friends of my wonderful and uplifting presence.  I was SO better than that.

So my dad and stepmom are driving my Uhaul out there on November 13 and Shelby and I will probably fly out on the 14^th,  on a one way ticket.  We will be moving to sunny and hot Henderson, NV, just outside of Las Vegas.

Although I’ve gotten tons of support from my friends and family, I’ve gotten some flack from people that obviously don’t know me that well.  So of course that bothers me.  “WHY would you move there?”  “Do you really think this is a good idea?”  “Is he really worth all this?”  If you knew me well enough, you would know that this is a decision that I did NOT take lightly, this is not a whim, and I would not risk screwing up my kid’s life.  I’m very sure of Wayne’s character and type of man that he is.  If I did not trust him with my life, I would not be involved with him.  If I did not trust him with my life, I would not be getting rid of 75% of my crap, and moving out there with no job and hardly a dime in my pocket.  And if he didn’t trust me with his life, I don’t think he would be covering my Uhaul, plane tickets, travel expenses for my dad and stepmom, and paying to break my lease.  If he didn’t trust me with his life he wouldn’t invite me, with all my debt and no job into his life, and he wouldn’t tell me how proud it would make him to be Shelby’s dad.  So for those of you who are doubters, there are all the facts that were none of your business in the first place, and I feel better for venting.  Think what you want in your head, not everything has to come out of your mouth.  Of course the people that have said these things to me more than likely don’t even know me well enough to know I have a blog.  But like I said, I feel better.

For those of you who are happy for me, and who are supporting me, THANK YOU.

I hardly see anyone anymore, so hey, maybe now that I will be living so close to a tourist destination I will see more of my friends and family! 

Fun with the Iphone Camera-Another Picture Essay

Bad Hair Day

The Hitchiker



So uh, NOW do you understand why I'm moving?




Driving to work...this is what the fellow motorists see.



Shelby acting like she likes me...



Sigh



If you don't think this dog is cute, there is something very wrong with you.

My co-pilot.

Dolly needs bail money!

This actually truly scared the crap out of me when I turned around.

The Language of Shelby

Emerginee:  (ee-merge-in-e)

Me:  “Shelby, who is is this Derrick you keep talking about?”

Shelby:  “He’s my emerginee boyfriend.”

Me:  (Blank stare, crickets chirping)

Shelby (rolling eyes):  “YOU KNOW…the kind of friend that only I can see and no one else?”

Imaginary.

Toofus:  (two-fuss)

“I have two loose toofus, but mommy won’t pull them out.”

Teeth.

Benis:  (This is a delicate matter)

Shelby:  “Mommy!  Look at that big benis!!!  That is a HUGE benis!”

Me:  “WHAT did you just say?????   Ahem…and uh…where?”

Shelby:  (Points to bee hive) “Over there!  Wow, those bees made a giant benis!”

Me:  “That’s awesome!  Whoa!  But, you know what?  They aren’t really called bee nests, there are bee HIVES.  HIVES.  BEE HIVES.  And we stay away from bee hives!  Never touch one!  Well, and benis’s for that matter.”

Bee nest.

Innerpropiate:  (inner-pro-pee-ate)

Dog steals cheeseburger from the coffee table, where Shelby is enjoying a happymeal:

Shelby:  “YOU JACKASS!”

Me:  “SHELBY!!!!  That is a terrible word!  Where did you hear that?”

Shelby:  “The movie “Wiggly Blonde”  (Legally Blonde)  “I’m sorry, mommy!  I didn’t know it was innerpropiate!”

Inappropriate

Spigeeto:  (spig-eet-o)

“These spigeeto bites itch SO bad!”

Mosquito

Brewk:  (well…brewk)

“These are brand new crayons and I already brewk one!”

Broke

Las Biggas:  (Las Big-us)

“I want to move to Las Big-us.  Everyone can come visit us there, and we can come back here and visit, but I want to be wif Wayne.”

Las Vegas

Magzugzeen:  (mag-zug-zeen)

“Mommy, do we have any magzugzeens I can read while I sit on the potty?”

Magazine

Pool Etiquette for the Apartment Dweller:

1.        Please don’t stand behind your wife and ogle the sunbathers.

2.       We are glad that you are reliving your honeymoon that you had 30 years ago, but please keep in mind there are small children about and the 30 minutes that you and your husband have spent in a lip-lock, milling about in the pool whispering sweet nothings in eachother’s ears, complete with your legs wrapped around his waist, is a tad inappropriate.

3.       Teenagers:  We all know how much fun it is trying out new words, but the day my kid asks me to make her a mother****ing sandwich is the day I will hunt you down and duct tape your mouth shut, throw your cell phone into the pool and run over your Ipod with my Buick.

4.       Parents of small children:  We know you and your child are wonderful and special and way better than everyone else, but it is not necessary to carry on a loud running commentary on how wonderful they are for all of us to hear.  Yeah, I see you glancing around to see who is listening.  Don’t worry, none of us have a choice but to listen. 

5.        Men:  It’s not necessary to shake your head, creating an instant Justin Beiber look and to spit out a big stream of water after you jump in.  Maybe it works for the guys in the movies, but this is Lion’s Creek and all the single ladies are bitter and probably horribly annoyed because they just shouted “NO RUNNING” at their kid for the 480^th time.

6.       It’s okay to ignore my kid, really.  If you ignore her she goes away.  If you talk to her she will stalk you for the rest of your life.  Plus, if you ignore her it makes me feel less guilty that I am sitting in a lounge chair reading my book, secretly glad that she has found someone else to bug the crap out of.

7.       Your ringtone sucks, and obviously, whoever it is that is calling really wants to get ahold of you because that is the 8^th time in two minutes that they have called.  ANSWER IT.

8.       If you are going to hang out in the shallow end or the kiddie pool, don’t get all indignant and ticked off when a little kid jumps in and splashes you.  It is a pool.  That’s sort of why we are here.  Go ahead and give my kid a dirty look, I dare you.  I’ve been drinking green tea all day and forgot to take my Prozac this past week.

9.       For the love of God, don’t bring squirt guns, and if you do, don’t loan one to my kid.

10.   It’s okay to pick your wedgie as soon as you exit the pool.  We all understand, you do not have the monopoly on swimsuit wedgies.  You don’t have to walk all the way to your chair with the thong look, and stand behind it and be discreet about it. 

Blah

I’ve been sitting in my recliner sneering and pouting about my glamorous life.  Maybe by writing this all out, I can find the positive side.

So every summer, when I am out in the sun, the area above my top lip turns darker than the rest of my face  On top of it, due to budget constraints, I am doomed to a bad hair day every day for a while.  I’m trying to find creative things to do with my mop, but I just can’t drag myself up out of bed early enough each morning to deal with it.  On a positive note…the past few years my mustache has had sort of a “Hitler” look to it.  At least this year it has spread wider to cover the entire upper lip.

Next up, my child.  She is a sight to behold.  As we speak she is “reading” to herself on the couch in a bathing suit that she hopes to sleep in.  She is mouthy, sassy, stubborn, and awesome.  However, not everyone finds these traits quite so endearing.  She gets snapped at and shot down a lot, but luckily she bounces right back up.  There were hints from the daycare director tonight that if things aren’t better tomorrow I will be getting a “behavior report”.  Maybe this is why she wants to move to Nevada even more than she wants a pony or a guinea pig.  I told her she has no friends or family out there and she said that’s why there are airplanes and pictures, and that she will make lots of new friends.  She just wants to be with her Wayne “more den anyfing”.  She says I am happy with Wayne, and she wants us all to be together again and “life will be right out there”.  I’m not real sure if that’s a positive or a negative that she feels that way.  If she wants to come up with the money and pack up a truck and drive all of our crap down there and find me a job, I’m in.

As we speak, single dad neighbor is blowing up my phone with texts.  I have explained to him that although I love his kids, I am not looking for a boyfriend, and I am in love with someone else.  So as we sat at my table the other night when he showed up with a peace offering (a Bud Light), he said, “I buy you lots of jewelry.”  (Keep in mind he doesn’t speak English very well.)  I explained that I have jewelry.  He wanted to know if Wayne bought me jewelry and I said yes.  He asked why I don’t wear it and I told him that I broke it.  So he said, “I buy you a piñata, then.”   Sigh…I gotta admit, I always have kind of wanted a pinata.  But…not that much.

Last but not least, Wayne.  Pressure-free “You can move out here and I got us a really pretty spot to live and there’s lots of jobs, not that you would need one but I know you’d want your own money with what’s happened in your past and we will be happy and together forever and your friends and family can come here and you can go see them whenever and there’s lots of horse farms and Shelby can swim every day and it’s not humid and the sun shines all the time and there’s no snow and it would be such an honor to me to be Shelby’s daddy, and I will help you move here any way that I can” Wayne.  Wayne doesn’t understand that I have a boss and a mom who would fight for position in line to beat me senseless if I decided to move out there.

Sigh…thank God it’s bedtime and I don’t have to think anymore.