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I’ve been sitting in my recliner sneering and pouting about my glamorous life.  Maybe by writing this all out, I can find the positive side.

So every summer, when I am out in the sun, the area above my top lip turns darker than the rest of my face  On top of it, due to budget constraints, I am doomed to a bad hair day every day for a while.  I’m trying to find creative things to do with my mop, but I just can’t drag myself up out of bed early enough each morning to deal with it.  On a positive note…the past few years my mustache has had sort of a “Hitler” look to it.  At least this year it has spread wider to cover the entire upper lip.

Next up, my child.  She is a sight to behold.  As we speak she is “reading” to herself on the couch in a bathing suit that she hopes to sleep in.  She is mouthy, sassy, stubborn, and awesome.  However, not everyone finds these traits quite so endearing.  She gets snapped at and shot down a lot, but luckily she bounces right back up.  There were hints from the daycare director tonight that if things aren’t better tomorrow I will be getting a “behavior report”.  Maybe this is why she wants to move to Nevada even more than she wants a pony or a guinea pig.  I told her she has no friends or family out there and she said that’s why there are airplanes and pictures, and that she will make lots of new friends.  She just wants to be with her Wayne “more den anyfing”.  She says I am happy with Wayne, and she wants us all to be together again and “life will be right out there”.  I’m not real sure if that’s a positive or a negative that she feels that way.  If she wants to come up with the money and pack up a truck and drive all of our crap down there and find me a job, I’m in.

As we speak, single dad neighbor is blowing up my phone with texts.  I have explained to him that although I love his kids, I am not looking for a boyfriend, and I am in love with someone else.  So as we sat at my table the other night when he showed up with a peace offering (a Bud Light), he said, “I buy you lots of jewelry.”  (Keep in mind he doesn’t speak English very well.)  I explained that I have jewelry.  He wanted to know if Wayne bought me jewelry and I said yes.  He asked why I don’t wear it and I told him that I broke it.  So he said, “I buy you a piñata, then.”   Sigh…I gotta admit, I always have kind of wanted a pinata.  But…not that much.

Last but not least, Wayne.  Pressure-free “You can move out here and I got us a really pretty spot to live and there’s lots of jobs, not that you would need one but I know you’d want your own money with what’s happened in your past and we will be happy and together forever and your friends and family can come here and you can go see them whenever and there’s lots of horse farms and Shelby can swim every day and it’s not humid and the sun shines all the time and there’s no snow and it would be such an honor to me to be Shelby’s daddy, and I will help you move here any way that I can” Wayne.  Wayne doesn’t understand that I have a boss and a mom who would fight for position in line to beat me senseless if I decided to move out there.

Sigh…thank God it’s bedtime and I don’t have to think anymore.