The Language of Shelby

Emerginee:  (ee-merge-in-e)

Me:  “Shelby, who is is this Derrick you keep talking about?”

Shelby:  “He’s my emerginee boyfriend.”

Me:  (Blank stare, crickets chirping)

Shelby (rolling eyes):  “YOU KNOW…the kind of friend that only I can see and no one else?”

Imaginary.

Toofus:  (two-fuss)

“I have two loose toofus, but mommy won’t pull them out.”

Teeth.

Benis:  (This is a delicate matter)

Shelby:  “Mommy!  Look at that big benis!!!  That is a HUGE benis!”

Me:  “WHAT did you just say?????   Ahem…and uh…where?”

Shelby:  (Points to bee hive) “Over there!  Wow, those bees made a giant benis!”

Me:  “That’s awesome!  Whoa!  But, you know what?  They aren’t really called bee nests, there are bee HIVES.  HIVES.  BEE HIVES.  And we stay away from bee hives!  Never touch one!  Well, and benis’s for that matter.”

Bee nest.

Innerpropiate:  (inner-pro-pee-ate)

Dog steals cheeseburger from the coffee table, where Shelby is enjoying a happymeal:

Shelby:  “YOU JACKASS!”

Me:  “SHELBY!!!!  That is a terrible word!  Where did you hear that?”

Shelby:  “The movie “Wiggly Blonde”  (Legally Blonde)  “I’m sorry, mommy!  I didn’t know it was innerpropiate!”

Inappropriate

Spigeeto:  (spig-eet-o)

“These spigeeto bites itch SO bad!”

Mosquito

Brewk:  (well…brewk)

“These are brand new crayons and I already brewk one!”

Broke

Las Biggas:  (Las Big-us)

“I want to move to Las Big-us.  Everyone can come visit us there, and we can come back here and visit, but I want to be wif Wayne.”

Las Vegas

Magzugzeen:  (mag-zug-zeen)

“Mommy, do we have any magzugzeens I can read while I sit on the potty?”

Magazine