All in a Week

This Week in Review:

(Obviously, I’m suffering from writer’s block again.)

·         Shelby decided the kitchen floor needed swept, and to do this one must make a big display of moving the dog food bowl and water bowl and trash can into the dining room.  As she was carrying the big trashcan, she dropped it and yelled “Oh, JESUS!”  as the contents spilled onto the floor.  I turned and looked at her in horror and said in my most stern mommy voice, “Shelllllllby….” And she said, “WHAT???  I was just asking Him for HELP!”

·         My car went into full fledged CHBF (chronic hub bearing failure) yesterday for the 248^th time in the past two years.  I’ve decided it’s time she learned a lesson…whining and complaining isn’t getting her anywhere this time.  She is NOT going to get new hub bearings no matter how much she cries about it.  Because yeah, that works with my kid and all when I’m dragging her kicking and screaming through Meijer.

·         Shelby has had a bad cold all week.  I noticed her Kleenex usage was down and wondered why until I went to use the hand towel hanging in the bathroom to dry my hands and they came away covered in snot.

·         Wayne fixed a snack while we were watching a movie tonight.  And I have a very strong suspicion his idea of “Summer Sausage” is actually “Chopped up Oscar Meyer Weiner”.  The cheese was good, though. 

·         I forgot about my vertigo/inner ear issue and how I can’t tilt my head down for long periods of time while I was reading my book today.  As a result, I’ve spent the whole evening staggering around like a drunk and trying valiantly not to hurl.

·         I found out I can do the splits AND twist both my ankles simultaneously.  There’s this stuff called Equilitter that we use in the horse stalls instead of straw.  They are absorbent little pellets about the size of a kidney bean.  If you are grooming a horse while she eats her hay and walk across the stall, realize you left the hoofpick in the grooming bucket and try to quickly change directions to go get it…well, you will do the splits as your feet catch the litter and it rolls them in opposite directions.

·         Wayne makes a much better mom than I do.  Shelby put some lotion on her cracked, dried hands that contained alcohol.  As she started to panic I rolled my eyes and kept on with what I was doing and told her to go wash it off.  Wayne heroically jumped up, rushed her to the bathroom where he washed the lotion off of her hands, patted them dry, and slathered them in antibiotic ointment.  He then strode purposefully to the kitchen and grabbed a plate, put two chocolate chip cookies on it and rocked her in the rocking chair and whispered sweet nothings in her ear while she ate her cookies.  She later informed me she hates me and wants to live with Wayne.

·         Tax season sucks beyond belief, made worse when Quickbooks malfunctions, causing you and your boss to make a scene that looks like a reenactment of the twister scene in “The Wizard of Oz”.