Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!  For some reason, Valentines day has always brought me crap, up until I met Bruce, the hopeless romantic.  We did manage to have our first fight on our first Valentine's Day but I probably earned it because I said his dad was a turd.  He always made such a big deal out of Valentine's day, though.  Our last Valentine's day together I had just found out I was pregnant and he bought me a blanket and a card from the baby.  And the card told me how the blanket was to keep me and the baby warm.  I still have that blanket, it's one of those fleecy numbers with a big gawdy horse head on it with lots of orange and red and yellow and brown.  It's the most beautiful blanket ever.  Shelby barfed on it once.  Usually when that happens...straight to the dumpster.  But I washed it a couple dozen times and I still have it.
Tomorrow at the stable a young lady with cancer who only has weeks to live is coming to fulfill one of her last wishes...to go horseback riding with her husband.  It will be their last Valentine's day together.  I can't even begin to imagine. 
Lately I've been sort of reflective, life isn't going the way I think it should and I've been kind of down.  I haven't been the best mom.  I've finally met this great guy and he's going away in a few months.  I could do the selfish thing and pack up and go with him but I would never do that to my daughter or my family.  My family needs Shelby and she needs them and to take her from everything she loves and everything that is familiar is something I could never do for any man.  But the thought of losing him jerks me out of a dead sleep or a happy moment and slaps me in the face.
I have to keep reminding myself of this song by Gary Allan, "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" but at some point in the song he says "But it's a beautiful ride" because it is so true. It was popular in the summer of 2006 after Bruce died, I remember vividly because I was driving to Buffalo with my mom and Shelby for the first time since Bruce died.  He loved going to Buffalo and it was the first time going without him since I had met him.  Of course when you are driving that long of a distance, jumping from radio station to radio station, you hear alot of the same stuff over and over and I kept hearing that song.  I finally lost it when we got to the town my aunt and uncle live in and it came on again and I remember telling my mom how excited Bruce would have been to show Shelby off to my family and he never got that chance.  It was so unfair.  I never grieved for Shelby's loss of her dad as much as I did for Bruce's loss of Shelby.  He loved her so so much and I couldn't believe he was going to miss out on her life.  That's all I could think about the day he died, was how much he was going to miss out on.  I know he's watching over her, I know he sees everything she does, but I wish I could see his face and hear him brag about her.
This is the song:  The video sucks, but just listen to the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VDNMtn0t2A
So that's where I am at.  I won't be spending Valentine's day with the new hottie in my life, since I gave him my plague from hell, but that's okay.  He's sitting at home, running a fever, drifting in and out of sleep but when he is awake he is calling me to check on me and see if I need anything, bless his heart.
Tomorrow will be a rough day at the stable.  But I hope that woman and her husband have a beautiful ride.

All in a Day

·         Took Shelby out for brunch.

·         Got the oil changed, tires balanced, and an estimate for a tune up which will be just shy of $900 and a new axle for $200.

·         Drove over a set of railroad tracks and my window fell down into the door.

·         Was so distracted by the window I almost ran out of gas.

·         Plucked the window out of the door and moved it back into place while the car sucked down $3.17 a gallon gas.

·         Got to work totally prepared to spend hours repairing a printer.  It took 30 seconds.

·         Developed a massive nosebleed.

·         Woke up Nick, and dragged him into the barn through the slush and taught Shelby how to brush him and clean his feet.

·         Nose stopped bleeding but lost 80% of my hearing.

·         Bribed Nick to pay attention to Shelby by giving him a peppermint.  He gave me a big horsey “I love you” on my forhead.

·         Lymph nodes so swollen by this time I can barely move my neck.

·         Bribed Shelby to leave the stable with the promise of a Ramona Quimby haircut.

·         Forgot about the broken window and rolled it down in the Mc Donald’s drive-thru.

·         Hung out in the Auto Zone parking lot and fished my window back out of the door.

·         Dropped Shelby off at church.

·         Stalked my mom and found her at Marsh and grocery shopped with her.  Spent $80 bucks on nothing.

·         Called sickly Wayne to check on him and see if he needed anything but he didn’t answer.  He called me while I was leaving a message on his voicemail to make sure I was okay and see if I needed anything.

·         Stopped and got some Chinese takeout.  It was supposed to be beef, it tasted like beef, but it looked like chicken.  Ate it anyway.

·         Put the $80 worth of nothing away and cleaned the kitchen.

·         Stopped at CVS to buy Shelby a valentine and $4000 roll of duct tape and fish my window back out of the door.

·         Stopped at church to pick Shelby up and rigged up a duct tape repair to keep my window from falling down again.

·         Brought Shelby home, and watched her eat about two yogurts, a granola bar, and a bowl of cheese crackers.

·         Got desperate enough to make the lymph node pain go away to take a Vicodin.

·         Neck feels better but my hands itch and I can hear the people downstairs breathing.

Winter Blues

Once again, I haven’t been able to think of anything to say lately.  I think it’s the winter blues coupled with the fact that I can’t get rid of this stupid cold.  I overslept every day this week, I’ve fallen asleep at my desk almost every day, and look forward to going to bed like one might look forward to going on vacation or cashing a lottery check.

My house is downright scary.  It’s a wasteland of dirty clothes, doll house accessories, little pieces of paper thanks to Shelby’s obsession with scissors, and bits of stuffing from dog toys.  My bathroom only stays clean until the next time Shelby brushes her teeth and turns into a fire hose of foam and spit.

I can’t wait for spring, though I hate to wish my life away like that.  Unfortunately this year, the promise of warmer weather brings the promise of my boyfriend moving over 1000 miles away…good times.  I have to constantly remind myself that God has a plan, and whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

Today, after I go to the bank and get the oil changed and go to work, I think I will clean my house…like, REALLY clean it.  My entertainment coordinator is really sick so he doesn’t have his son today, although I may join him if he gets enough energy to go to the laundry mat.  That is, if he survives his self medication regimen of leftover antibiotics and aspirin.  We made a deal, of neither of us are better by tomorrow, we are going to have a date at the Minute Clinic.  Maybe they will give us a two-fer.

So in short, that is life.  Hopefully something funny will come up to write about in the coming hours!

My Vast Football Knowledge

I love the Denver Broncos because I adore the state of Colorado and I love horses, and they are from Colorado and have a pretty horse head on their helmet.  Or they used to.  Do they still?

I love the Buffalo Bills because that is where my whole family is from, and Buffalo makes me think of Lunetta’s, which has the world’s best sub sandwiches.

I love the Dallas Cowboys because Bruce loved the Dallas Cowboys.  The first thing he bought Shelby was a Cowboys onesie thing with matching booties and a bib.  Not the pink one, either.  True Dallas colors.

I can’t stand the Steelers because my ex boyfriend had a love for the Steelers that was frightening.  I do think their uniforms are cool, though.

I love Carraba's because I went to some women's football 101 thing and they catered it.  Oh, and Mike Vanderjagt (sp?) taught me how to kick a field goal.  I fell on my butt.

And that sums up my knowledge of football.

Longest Day EVER

I had to go to work today, it was either that or get fired, I'm sure.  You know, with all that sick time I take off.  (Sarcasm.)  I'm guessing since I had to wake up and change my shirt 3 times during the night my fever broke, so when I hopped in the car to go to work I was feeling like a brand new woman.  I got about 10 minutes away from the office though and broke out into a sweat and started to feel faint.  There was a fire station right there and I thought about pulling in to ask for help but then I thought about all the hot firemen in there that I was about to make an idiot out of myself in front of.  So instead I turned the heat over to "cold" and blasted myself with cold air the rest of the way to the office.  It would be less embarassing to pass out behind the wheel instead of in front of a bunch of firemen.  I should know.  When I was doing my clinicals in the emergency room  years ago, apparently I saw something gross, because the next thing I knew I was waking up on a couch in a break room with 4 firemen standing over me grinning.  I thought I was in heaven for a minute.  I still to this day hope I didn't pass gas while I was out or anything (because I'm sure years later, each of those firemen think of me on a daily basis.)
So today I spent a total of an hour reviewing a couple of trial balances, updating a subcontractor's information, annnnnd that's it.  It was SO important that I be here today, too.  So I have read all the stories on Indychannel three times, checked the comment section under the stories for funny stuff, practiced sleeping with my eyes open (doesn't work with contacts), deleted a bunch of pictures on my phone, emailed my other boss because I miss her, and got addicted to my Finding Nemo Wavy Grape Chapstick because it smells awesome.  In an hour I get to go home and pick up my kid that was SO mad that I wasn't going on a date tonight like I do every Friday she actually cried because she didn't want to hang out with me.  She will be happy to find out that Gramma Marfa would love to have her over for a movie/pajama party tonight.  Wayne decided he would come to my place and watch a movie with me (wearing a mask, gloves, and sitting in a seperate room with a bottle of bleach.)
Well, 56 minutes to go.  I guess I will read my coupon book from Staples again.

Dear Diary, I Totally Rock

I’ve really been having trouble with this blog thing lately because I can’t think of anything to write about.  I have read a lot of other blogs though, where the writers love to talk about how wonderful they are, it’s almost like reading a big personal pat on the back.  So I am going to take that approach on this one and see how it works out for me.  (But the truth is in the parenth…parranth…peren…bracket thingies.)

Dear Diary,

Life is so good to me.  I have two great jobs (barf…11 years and still no raise at one of them.)  I have a beautiful, lovely 5 year old daughter (holy terror with a side of PMS and drama queen for dessert) who I dearly love (that part is true…in fact it’s an understatement.).  I’ve met a wonderful, caring, nice looking man (who is moving extremely far away in 4 months, leaving my heart in shambles and I’m so not okay with it).  Life couldn’t be better (except for that whole being frighteningly broke thing.)

Oh, it’s going to be so great to be able to go back to my oh-so-rewarding job tomorrow (sitting at a desk twiddling my thumbs waiting for paperwork from clients while I have a fever and feel like someone is impaling me with a butter knife every time I take a breath).  Then, at the end of the day I get some nice quiet time in my car on the peaceful drive home (slamming on the brakes and screaming at people all the way up 37 all the way home, praying that I don’t get rear-ended again).  Then the moment will come when I walk into the daycare and Shelby yells “Mommy!” and throws herself into my arms (and then cries very loudly all the way home because I won’t take her to McDonalds or buy her a pet rat.).  I wonder if the teacher will share more loving, humorous stories of Shelby’s day (like how she hid her snack to try to get seconds, then smashed it all to pieces and threw it when she got called out on it.  Or said “dammit”.)  After dinner, I’m sure Wayne will stop by and we can spend a little quiet time together (he will sit on the couch cowering in fear and shielding his man parts from the 5 year old that is climbing all over him while I fight off the dog).  He will whisper endearments into my ear (tell me I have a snot string hanging).  After a nice goodnight kiss (he backs out of my apartment making a cross with his fingers and shaking his head no) I can go to bed secure in our relationship (wonder if he will ever call me again after I sneezed all over him, my kid relocated his testicles to his armpits, and my cat made a sexual advance at him.)

Then it’s time for the special part of the evening where we wind down, I tuck Shelby into her bed, and sprawl out in my own and read a good book.   (We argue about which jammies to wear for 20 minutes,  she eats 16 snacks, drags out every toy she owns, and I finally give up and end up clinging to the edge of my bed while she and 19 of her closest stuffed animals snore peacefully beside me.)  Then I will wake up in the morning fresh and eager to start the new day! (stumbling blindly towards the kitchen for coffee after hitting snooze 14 times just to find I forgot to set the automatic brew, standing in the freezing cold in my pajamas while my dog carefully selects prime real estate to pee on, getting halfway through my shower and not being able to remember if I washed my hair yet or not, dragging Shelby kicking and screaming out of bed and trying to dress her, and being completely exhausted by the time I get to work).

Life is good (it really is!)!

And it’s only Wednesday…Seriously?

·         I came down with a fever Saturday, and even got sent home from work Monday.

·         I’ve cleaned my house 9,458 times since Monday night.

·         The daycare was closed Tuesday and today, much to my horror.

·         Last night when the winds picked up, I figured out that the people that moved out of the apartment across the hall left their outdoor storage closet door open.  Every 30 seconds, the door slams against their balcony rail and shakes my entire apartment.

·         I gave the dog a bath and a super cute haircut.

·         I spent 4 million dollars this morning going to the ER to find out I have pleurisy.

·         I had Wayne drive me to the ER because I was a little scared that I couldn’t breathe.

·         Wayne got to go to the hospital again with me to pick up my mom, who sprained her foot, and drive her car home.

·         Wayne probably has changed his phone number by now.

·         I’m getting ready to clean my house for the 9,459^th time.

·         My dog can’t figure out how to poop on ice and it’s causing some distress.

·         It takes 3 maintenance men to break the ice in front of a door…one to whack at it with a shovel and two to watch.

·         Only I could cop a buzz on Mucinex.

·         Shelby can say “MOMMY?” 4, 872 times an hour.