Drawing a Blank

I knew once I started doing this I would get writer’s block.  Sure enough, I have had absolutely no ideas on what to write about.    My life revolves around Shelby, and at the edges are a couple of cats, a dog, and a bunch of horses.  None of them have given me any good material lately.   I could rant and rave and gripe but that gets tiresome after a while. 

I could talk about how much better I am than other people but that’s not true, and I have never felt like I am “above” anyone else, regardless of religion, color, sexual orientation, location, or class.  We all feel pain, we all feel joy, and we all have to wear our pants the same way to avoid getting arrested for indecent exposure.

 My love for the Allstate Mayhem guy is off limits, because it is special and private.  He’s everything I’ve always wanted in a man.  He’s beautiful in an understated way.  He’s funny, and we never speak.  There’s no talk of feelings or wants and needs with him.  He doesn’t ask anything of me, nor I of him, because well…that’s impossible.  His scent?  It’s like making love to a lumberjack. 

I could talk to you in great detail about my two jobs.  Depreciation, journal entries, bank reconciliations, financial statements, profit and loss, payroll tax liabilities…can I get a “holla”?  Occasionally there is a horse thrown in…I get to hold Nick’s head when he gets his monthly arthritis shot, or go stand in front of Patty when she is hooked up to the carriage waiting for her passengers to board.  That way, if she decides to bolt, knocking me down and running me over might slow her down enough to reduce the injuries and danger to her passengers.

I could talk about my cats, but I am only 34 and still have hopes of finding a nice man to marry someday.  I will save the cat talk for when I finally accept that it is hopeless, and accept the possibility that 40 years from now it will be MY house you see on the news, with the headline “984 cats removed from Crazy Cat Lady’s Trailer.”

There is always the dog, but I don’t want Animal Cops showing up at my house and taking him away from all of the mistakes and accidents I make with him.  Let’s just say from now on he will go to a professional groomer, and I am back on Prozac solely to keep myself from going batcrap every time he eats a Barbie, or an entire bag of cat food, or the cat’s ear.

You’ve all heard enough about my car and for the moment it is quiet…it caught me looking at Autotrader on the internet the other day.  We haven’t made eye contact since.

So in short, I hope to get better at this.   But right now I have to go rescue a Christmas tree from the dog and try to get as much of the house clean as possible before the Shelbinator wakes up and destroys it all.